Monday, June 30, 2014

Dead Sushi (2012, Noboru Iguchi)


The new-wave of Japanese splatter is really going down the tubes lately. It's been a while since I've checked out one of these, but it doesn't seem like that long ago that I actually enjoyed some of these types of flicks, such as "Machine Girl", the ever-so epic "Tokyo Gore Police", and I even remember kinda liking "Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl" a little bit. I'm not really sure what's going on in the world of mainstream Japanese cinema these days, but their sense of humor and overuse of CGI has reached an all-time pinnacle of shittiness with garbage like "Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead", "Big Tits Zombie" and this hunk of fecal waste, "Dead Sushi".

Basically, a young aspiring female sushi chef is berated by her master sushi chef father for being a girl and sucking at the art of rolling the perfect sushi. So, she runs away and finds a waitressing job at an inn where a former scientist seeks revenge on the evil business men guests who fired him years ago for coming up with a serum that brings dead animals back to life, only vicious. This entails bringing tuna to life as flying man-eaters to quench his thirst for vengeance. Yeah, I know...

I don't think I'll have to convince many of you that this shit gets old very fast. "Dead Sushi" is a class-A example of Japan trying to be Troma and failing miserably. Not that Troma doesn't fail miserably in countless instances. Call me crazy, but I find nothing funny about sushi monsters or rice spitting zombies. Especially for 90 goddamned minutes! This was a terrible idea for a movie and the gag wears thin painfully fast. What saved movies like "Machine Girl" and "Tokyo Gore Police" - aside from the fact that those weren't non-stop fart joke-laden, infantile comedies - was the over-the-top, wall-to-wall gore and fairly impressive use of practical effects. This shit just worked better when they mixed in some cyber-punk elements. These zany zom-coms just aren't cutting the mustard. "Dead Sushi" is shockingly light on gore and the CGI blood spray and... flying sushi rolls (I'm so annoyed by that concept) is fucking embarrassing. The movie lacks style, charm, direction and any enjoyment factor. It's a total and complete mess and I'm pronouncing the new-wave of J-splatter officially dead. RIP.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Wolf Creek 2 (2013, Greg McLean)

I always thought the first "Wolf Creek", while not a BAD film by any means, left a bit much to be desired. Now, after almost ten years, director Greg McLean turns out a follow-up that gives us disappointed viewers of the original the movie that we initially wanted. And what does that entail, you ask? More Mick motherfucking Taylor!

Mick is simply just annihilating any poor bastard that he happens to come across on the desolate desert roads of southern Australia. A couple of German backpackers have the misfortune of coming into the contact with the intimidatingly affable brute while camping in the ol' outback. Mick seems to take a liking to the guy's girlfriend which sets off a brutal series of events, leading to the introduction and gruesome slaying of numerous other casualties.

Much higher body count and rough kill scenes in this sequel. All that character development that went to waste in the first movie is taken out this time and replaced with more John Jarratt, which, of course, is what the people want. Much more of him, his giant buck knife, his high-powered scope rifle and awesome throaty chuckle. Plenty of nasty, mean spirited gore on tap, including a graphic dismemberment, exploding skulls, severed spines and a herd of kangaroos getting obliterated.

Unlike the original "Wolf Creek", this one comes without a dull moment so it comes highly, highly recommended.

The ABCs of Death (2012)

Been meaning to check this one out for a while now, but it was never really top priority on my 'to watch list'. Wrong move on my part. "ABC's of Death" is one of the most enjoyable horror anthologies in years.

The gist here is that 26 film-makers from all over the world were given a letter of the alphabet and were to come up with a short narrative based on said letter. This makes for some exemplary 'short and sweet' segments jammed into an estimated 2-hour runtime.

Not every segment is a total winner, but there's certainly some interesting gems. A few of my favorites were "D is for Dogfight" (directed by Marcel Sarmiento, who co-wrote/directed the necro-zombie flick, "Deadgirl"), which was quite stylish in it's depiction of a man fist fighting a vicious dog in some kind of seedy underground fight ring setting. "O is for Orgasm" was one of the strangest of this assemblage - coming across as more of an 'arthouse' short than any of the others. "K is for Klutz" was a entertaining animated bit about a woman at a party who takes a shit and can't seem to get it to flush. It plays out kinda like a nasty Loony Toons short with a fucked up ending. My favorite entry was "L is for Libido" which plays out like a perverse game show type of thing in which two men are strapped to chairs and must jerk off to a variety of depraved shit put on display for them. If they fail to cum before their opponent, a spike mechanism impales them from ass to mouth. Masturbatory material includes stuff like an amputee getting off with her prosthetic leg and a man fucking a little boy. It's clever, well shot and definitely the most whacked out portion of "ABC's". Simon Rumley's "P is for Pressure" comes in at a close second, I'd say.

There were other segments I enjoyed. A few fell a little short. The one with the Nazi fox stripper was a little too ridiculous and the POV surfer bit - as well as Ti West's contribution, "M is for Miscarriage", were pretty dull and phoned in. Still, "ABC's of Death" is a cool concept for an anthology horror flick and never gets too long-winded or repetitive. It's really the perfect variety of themes consisting of tongue-n-cheek humor, over-the-top gore and some more straight-forward horror elements. Nothing about it really goes the conventional "spooky" route, however, as the title suggests, they all contain a prominent DEATH theme. So if you happen to share in my apathy for ghostly horror flicks, you'll dig "ABC's".

Saturday, June 21, 2014

The Sound of Insects: Record of a Mummy (2009, Peter Liechti)


I'm not sure how factual this is, although it claims to be 'based on a true story' as well as a novel by the Japanese writer, Masahiko Shimada. The source material seems to be a bit of a mystery, but however, "The Sound of Insects: Record of a Mummy" is a pretty powerful exploration into the depths of human suffering from a self-inflicted viewpoint.

In the beginning, it's explained that a hunter came across a small hut containing the mummified remains of a unknown man with a diary next to him. The writings detail the first hand struggle of the man who commited suicide, via self-induced starvation.

"The Sound of Insects" consist of no actual characters or storyline, instead just showing quiet nature shots (trees, bugs, sky, rainfall, etc.) accompanied by voice over narration of the daily diary entries. There are also shots of people walking around a train station, an opera singer and some random "artsy" black and white segments, which all gives way to a very forlorn, disconsolate ambience. Because of this, I'd safely say this film isn't for everyone, as it is basically just a comprehensive account of what it's like to starve to death over the course of 62 days.

So, if you can appreciate hypnotic and highly depressing films, I would definitely recommend "The Sound of Insects". I found it rather fascinating and would really like to know who this was actually based on, if it was, in fact, based on an actual man.
 

Joy Ride 3: Roadkill (2014, Declan O'Brien)

When the original "Joy Ride" came out, I never really figured they would franchise this concept into a straight-to-DVD slasher saga while, with each one, grooming Rusty Nail into an unmysterious, Jigsaw-like horror villain. I guess I should've seen that coming. I always liked the original "Joy Ride". It was definitely one of those 'pleasant surprise' kinda flicks for me, at a time when decent shit actually hit the mainstream and sent a bit of a buzz around the horror scene. The first one was a pretty solid suspense flick that took the psychotic trucker concept to new lengths. As much as I do enjoy "Duel" and "Breakdown", "Joy Ride" owned it. The second installment pretty much marked the ever-so fashionable 'slasherization' down-grade of the first film. And, the third one waters it down even further...

A race car crew (consisting of young-and-hip looking no-name actors) is transporting their car through the desert. While on an open stretch of road that just so happens to have a reputation for dead motorists turning up, they decide to open up the racer and see if it's fast enough or whatever. In the process, however, they stupidly cut off Rusty Nail's rig at high speeds, which, as you could probably guess, pisses him right the fuck off leading to the usual, deadly cat-and-mouse game along the desolate back roads.

To be perfectly honest, "Joy Ride 3: Roadkill" wasn't as bad as I thought, considering it's the third movie in a series based on a movie that never should've had a sequel. Now I know there are literally TONS of movies you could say that for, but here's the reason "Joy Ride" should never have had a sequel: because after the first movie, you would really have no choice but to expand upon and demystify Rusty Nail's character. In the first movie he was basically just a deep voice and an 18-wheeler. His face and body are shown no more than 3 times toward the end in brief and obscured 'blink-and-you'll-miss-it' moments. It was done very well and any more than that ruins the enigmatic character. Then, in the second movie they start showing way too much of him and here they show his face every few fucking minutes. Hell, they show him right on the back of the fucking DVD case! I guarantee more of these "Joy Ride" sequels will come out in the next few years and I'll bet my left nut that by the fifth one they'll have Rusty Nail be a disfigured, Jason Voorhees-like zombie killer with a full back story.

I do realize I said earlier that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It IS actually well shot and contains a few decent kill scenes. We also get hot, blond junkie tits for about the first 8 minutes of the movie. Needless to say, it opened strong. Unfortunately, the characters are painfully bland and there is absolutely no suspense whatsoever. Don't bother with it if you can help it.